Seemingly Great

I believe I have started this post four or five times. The words have been reeling in my mind for days. I have marinated my thoughts, my emotions and my feelings, so that I am able to express fully--my heart.

I am seemingly great.

Now for some explanation as to why these four simple words have been so difficult to express. When I am sad, emotions are easy to detect. Sad is my deviant and a deviant, by property, always acts different than the norm. However, when I am normal, I usually forget to recognize my emotions. Happiness is an emotion, as well, and it deserves to be recognized. However, this normal, gets muddled in my everyday. I forget to look at triumphs because they fade into the background. What does that say about me? I can praise God or complain when I am frustrated or upset, but I completely forget to praise God during the "everyday"? Where is my focus? Where are my emotions?

I was reading some quotes by Justin Martyr recently, which mainly inspired this post, and this one particularly welled up emotion:

"And when you hear that we look for a kingdom, you suppose, without making any inquiry, that we speak of a human kingdom. Instead, we speak of that which is with God, as can be shown from the confession of their faith made by those who are charged with being Christians, even though they know that death is the punishment awarded to those who so confess. For if we looked for a human kingdom, we would deny our Christ, so that we might not be killed. We would try to escape detection, so that we might obtain what we hope for. But since our thoughts are not fixed on the present, we are not concerned when men cut us off; since death is a debt which must at all events be paid." 

The Christians during that time of persecution were so focused on heaven and the life that they would experience with Jesus that they had no care to what would happen to their bodies. They craved for life in heaven with Jesus, for they knew Paul's words were true- "To die is gain." The thought of not worshipping Christ as Lord would not enter their minds, for the thought did not exist. However, Justin does mention those who would deny Christ because their focus was not solely on heaven. Their focus was present.

Sure, I would love to believe that my thoughts were always on heaven. I would love to believe that the thought of not worshipping Christ as Lord was not present in my gallery of thoughts. I would love to believe that I could stand before persecution and be so heaven focused that the present tribulations had no room in my mind.

This is not the case, and my aforementioned emotions ring that. When I am sad, when I am troubled, and when I am frustrated, I run to Jesus- Jesus, my healer and my comforter. When I seem to be drowning in the quicksand of life, I reach for Jesus. But the truth is, Jesus wants to spit me out of his mouth. My lukewarm devotion has no place in his kingdom. I say that I desire a relationship with Jesus, yet during the "seemingly great" times, my focus is presently bound, not heavenly bound. Christ desires to rejoice in the great times. He desires to be overjoyed, when I am overjoyed. He wants to celebrate my happiness along with me.

Jesus is not solely a God of valleys. He is a God of mountains, valleys, fields, and oceans. May my mind be ever focused on Jesus so that when I am running, he is running with me, when I am walking, he is holding my hand, and when I can not walk, he is carrying me.