To be like the moon...

Have you ever had that distinct desire to start everything over?

Sometimes I get the urge to completely move away and start a new adventure. You know that feeling when you first start college? You live in a completely different place, with completely different people. Yet, somehow you know that life is going to be great for 4 years. Then comes probably the best feeling, you see the onset of a great new adventure. I love that feeling. I love the feeling when you first realize that you don't know anyone, you don't know the place you are living in, but you know it is going to be amazing.

I was listening to Matt Nathanson's song, Wedding Dress, which somewhat sparked this post. One part in the lyrics says,

"I'm jealous of the moon, for how it moved away."

Tonight, I want to start a new adventure- I'm jealous of the moon. But, I think that I too easily forget that my previous adventures make me all of who I am. Sometimes I feel like it would be easier to just leave my problems or foreseeable problems and start afresh somewhere else. That isn't life. That isn't living. Those problems make me who I am and I don't want to change that. The friends that I have here, the experiences that I have experienced here (good or bad) and the emotions that I feel here--define me. I can take a new adventure, but that won't change the hurt that I'm feeling from broken things, people, situations, and etc. surrounding me.

I want to embrace that. I want to embrace feeling broken. We are broken. Our world was broken the minute we started making more of ourselves and less of God. Of course we want to escape our brokenness, we weren't made to be broken. We were made to be perfect. Yet, we refused to deny ourselves and in turn decided to deny God. I hate that! So often I long to be walking in the garden of Eden, the grass tenderly underfoot, the trees always birthing beautiful fruits, the lamb safely nuzzled up in the mane of the lion. How I forget the great loss we suffered the day sin entered the world.

So tonight, I choose to deny myself. I choose to make much of God and make much of the great grace he has given me--The grace that even though we constantly prostitute ourselves away from God, He comes into our deepest pits and pulls us out. He beautifully gave me this life to live and this place to call my home. Tonight, I choose to be thankful.