To be like the moon...

Have you ever had that distinct desire to start everything over?

Sometimes I get the urge to completely move away and start a new adventure. You know that feeling when you first start college? You live in a completely different place, with completely different people. Yet, somehow you know that life is going to be great for 4 years. Then comes probably the best feeling, you see the onset of a great new adventure. I love that feeling. I love the feeling when you first realize that you don't know anyone, you don't know the place you are living in, but you know it is going to be amazing.

I was listening to Matt Nathanson's song, Wedding Dress, which somewhat sparked this post. One part in the lyrics says,

"I'm jealous of the moon, for how it moved away."

Tonight, I want to start a new adventure- I'm jealous of the moon. But, I think that I too easily forget that my previous adventures make me all of who I am. Sometimes I feel like it would be easier to just leave my problems or foreseeable problems and start afresh somewhere else. That isn't life. That isn't living. Those problems make me who I am and I don't want to change that. The friends that I have here, the experiences that I have experienced here (good or bad) and the emotions that I feel here--define me. I can take a new adventure, but that won't change the hurt that I'm feeling from broken things, people, situations, and etc. surrounding me.

I want to embrace that. I want to embrace feeling broken. We are broken. Our world was broken the minute we started making more of ourselves and less of God. Of course we want to escape our brokenness, we weren't made to be broken. We were made to be perfect. Yet, we refused to deny ourselves and in turn decided to deny God. I hate that! So often I long to be walking in the garden of Eden, the grass tenderly underfoot, the trees always birthing beautiful fruits, the lamb safely nuzzled up in the mane of the lion. How I forget the great loss we suffered the day sin entered the world.

So tonight, I choose to deny myself. I choose to make much of God and make much of the great grace he has given me--The grace that even though we constantly prostitute ourselves away from God, He comes into our deepest pits and pulls us out. He beautifully gave me this life to live and this place to call my home. Tonight, I choose to be thankful.

The Simply Complex

Early this morning I trucked along my 20 minute walk to work, grumbling-wishing I was still on Thanksgiving vacation, wishing I wasn't working on a Sunday, wishing it wasn't so cold. As I was walking, complaining to myself and furthering my awful mood, I heard a little bit of crunching. Little did I realize that this crunching would completely turn around my mood.

Before I left for Thanksgiving, which was wonderful, by the way, the trees had turned color and the beautiful oranges, reds, and yellows filled the trees. The leaves were beginning to fall, just enough to hint raking, but not enough to demand it. Due to my late arrival back home, I did not spy the beautiful piles of orange and red lining the neighborhood streets. Then, this morning, they went unnoticed because my focus was elsewhere- mainly on my bad mood. Thanks to my beautifully weathered clogs- my favorite and well used shoes- the leaves did not go unnoticed for long. I don't know if you have ever worn clogs before, but they tend to make one stomp, not in a frightful way, but they are quite heavy, so they tend to come hard against the ground. Today, this stomping was well welcomed. As I heard the crunching underneath my tread, I soon felt the crisp feeling when one remembers that it is the beginning of winter. I felt renewed and alive. The simplest beauty of autumn, the falling of the leaves, renewed me this morning.

Over the summer, as I was reading Proverbs, I stumbled across a verse that said,

"How long, O simple ones, will you love being simple?" Proverbs 1:22

I decided then and there that I hated being simple. I am complex. I want to be complex. I want to feel complex. Yet, there is complexity in what is viewed as simple. The changing of the leaves, how simple. It happens every year around this time. Yet, how beautifully complex.

Today friends, I hope that you will not forget the beautiful truth of simple complexity. Do not be simple, but remember that that which seems simple, may actually be complex. Revive yourself in the simply complex.  

The Beginning

Grab a cup of coffee, sit back, and enjoy a window into my life

Have you ever had the urge to just write everything down? Sometimes I get this feeling which wells up so intensely. Feelings are hard for me. I look at them and think they are not logical. I feel like emotion gets in the way. But, I want to have feelings. I want to recognize them and I want to understand that they are ok.

So here I am, trying to figure out this messy thing called life. If you read my about me, you can figure out my worldviews on life. Maybe seeing my vantage point will allow for a clarity of understanding. But a quick word about the title may bring things into prospective. I love Jesus, plain and simple. All of my posts will center around that last sentence. It's a powerful one for sure. But usually, it's a hard one to swallow. So here comes in the meaning of the title- In the book of Hosea, God tells Hosea, an Old Testament prophet, to pursue and marry a prostitute named Gomer. The ongoings between Hosea and Gomer is a picture of the troubled relationship between God and Israel. Hosea is steadfast and constant with Gomer. Hosea pursues Gomer, yet still feels outraged at her promiscuous life. Hosea offers her everything and Gomer would rather return to her filth. The same is true with God. He is steadfast with Israel. He has made promises to them, which he intends on keeping. He is constant. He pursues them beautifully, yet they return to the filth of idol worship. So in this time of pursuit and prostitution, God says, 

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope."

mmm beautiful. (side note: I say mmm a lot. It's my best expression of that feeling where you take your first sip of coffee at 6am and although everything around you is hazy, everything in that moment is right.)

So, the Valley of Achor is a term in the Bible used to mean trouble- Valley of trouble. Life sucks sometimes- Can I say that? But it's true, our world is broken and messed up. Our lives are broken and messed up. But the beautiful fact is that God comes into our Valley of trouble, allures us into the wilderness, speaks tenderly to us, and turns our trouble into a door of hope. That's what I desire to show through this blog. I want to be real. I want to show brokenness. But I also want to show the realness that is the Gospel. The realness that turns my Valley of Achor into a door of Hope.

Needless to say, blogs are not my thing. I think I'm more scared of them than anything. I'm scared that everyone will know everything about me- that people will look at that and say, "Wow, she's dumb- I can't believe she is sharing that with the entire world." Well, here I am. Here is my life: the good points, the bad points, the messy points, the pondering points...everything." I guess this is more for me than anything. I want to see how the Lord is good. I want to feel that- so I'm going to show myself through my own life. I don't really care if anyone reads this, but the idea that someone is, peaks my curiosity. We all go through Valleys of Achor, so perhaps mine will match up with yours and we can share that together. Or perhaps mine will show you your door of hope.


P.S. Gomer means completion in Hebrew. Let that marinate for awhile :)